Our sidestepping has become a brilliant dance where nobody leads at all. (Dashboard Confessional)

“My love for Christian was strange but it was real and it was meaningful. I always hoped my son would find that same passion for someone. I always hoped it would be someone who would be alive.” She laughed at that but I was too uncomfortable to laugh along with her. “I always hoped it would be someone who would treat him right and love him as much as he deserved to be loved.”

I nodded.

“Hope, what is going on with you two?”

I inhaled for so long I thought my lungs would burst. I let the air sit in my chest puffing my heart out as I spoke, “I'm no good for him. He deserves someone better.”

I exhaled. I had said it out loud. I had put the wheels of my first selfless act in motion.

She shook her head. “Hope, you deserve him.” It was strange to hear the words from her mouth. She must not really know much about me. “I came in here today to get mad at you. I came in here to tell you to smarten up, get clean, and make things right with Christian. I don't know what's going on with you two but I know he's miserable without you. He's been miserable since you came in here and he's even more miserable now. I don't know what happened but frankly I don't care. The only thing that matters to him is you and you need to get better and make it right.”