She stood and looked back for what she feared would be her last look at her first love. He sat on the curb, intoxicated. This was not how she wanted to remember him.
She walked slowly inside and her father didn’t speak until she was inside.
Her mother hugged her as her sister scolded her. She trudged upstairs. She locked her bedroom door, opened her bedroom window, and climbed out onto the roof. She listened carefully.
“You have to understand, Tommy, she’s my daughter and I only want what’s best for her.”
“I understand sir.” Tommy’s speech was slurred but he was sobering quickly. “I want the same.”
“If you mean that you’ll leave her alone.”
“I can’t.”
“Penny is a bright girl with a bright future and the only thing that stands in her way is you. I know about your father and your family and I know what you are doing is dangerous. I don’t want Penny involved in that sort of business.”
“I would never involve Penny in that.”
“You already have.”
“No sir, I haven’t.”
“Every time you come here you delude her. If you are in her future that will be in her future and that is no future. I see the car you drive. I know the kind of house you live in. When Penny sees the way you live how will she be content here? I work hard, every day of my life I work and I do my best but I’ll never be rich. I’ve taught my daughter values and I’d like to think she has her priorities in order but when you come along with your plenty I don’t see how the modest life I provide could ever compare.”
“You do alright.”
“Alright is not rich but it’s honest and that’s what I want for my daughter: a good, honest, Christian life.”
“What do you want me to do? Walk away and never come back? ‘Cuz I don’t think I can do that sir. My mom walked out on my family a long time ago and the only woman who could ever hold a candle to her is Penny. I mightn’t have known my mother but I know that she would want me to be with a girl like her. I don’t always have to be lowlife scum. I could be respectable. I could be like you.”
“It’s not fancy being like me, kid. You don’t get a car like that working in a factory.”
“What if I got enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life and then just got out of the racket? What if I had enough money to provide for Penny for the rest of her life?”
Tuesday 17 January 2012
Friday 13 January 2012
Sometimes what you're looking for is right where you left it. (Sweet Home Alabama)
Penny sat on the curb. She looked for hours at the scars Tommy’s tires left on the pavement. She sat by the fence. She closed her eyes and pretended he was leaning on the other side. How many times had his back been half an inch from hers? She walked to the park. She ate ice cream but it didn’t taste as good now.
He was no closer when he returned. She didn’t see him but she still looked for him everywhere. Her parents prayed.
Things were getting busy for Tommy and his brothers but one night, the last night, they drove through the streets of Philadelphia in a two car convoy. They were reckless, always reckless. When they drove down Penny’s street she was sitting on the curb. She did that a lot. He met her eyes as he whizzed by.
A moment after the commotion of the rowdy boys Tommy straggled down the sidewalk alone.
“Tommy,” she gasped.
He sat beside her in a messy heap. He smelled of alcohol but she didn’t realize that then. She had never smelt alcohol before. His hair was brushed back and looked wet with bravo.
He had a greasy smirk. His attire had graduated from ripped jeans and grubby flannel to tight cuffed jeans and expensive-looking shirts. But his clothes still looked dirty, even now. Penny was taken back. He was different in her memory.
“Penny Lane, you’re in my ear and in my heart,” he sang out too loud.
A light soon went on in her parent’s bedroom.
She acknowledged it and told him he would have to leave.
“Leave with me.”
“I can’t.”
“I leave tomorrow for good.”
“What do you mean?”
“I enlisted. I’m leaving tomorrow for Vietnam, me and all my brothers.”
Penny’s heart broke.
“Penny Lane,” he began to sing again as the light went on over the porch. They were hidden from her father’s view by the fence but he knew right where they were. It would be but a moment and he would be there.
“You have to go.”
“Not until tomorrow.”
She shook her head. “Now.”
“Come with me, Penny. Walk with me. Walk with me until morning.”
Her father appeared beside them. He hovered over them.
“Penny, go inside.”
He was no closer when he returned. She didn’t see him but she still looked for him everywhere. Her parents prayed.
Things were getting busy for Tommy and his brothers but one night, the last night, they drove through the streets of Philadelphia in a two car convoy. They were reckless, always reckless. When they drove down Penny’s street she was sitting on the curb. She did that a lot. He met her eyes as he whizzed by.
A moment after the commotion of the rowdy boys Tommy straggled down the sidewalk alone.
“Tommy,” she gasped.
He sat beside her in a messy heap. He smelled of alcohol but she didn’t realize that then. She had never smelt alcohol before. His hair was brushed back and looked wet with bravo.
He had a greasy smirk. His attire had graduated from ripped jeans and grubby flannel to tight cuffed jeans and expensive-looking shirts. But his clothes still looked dirty, even now. Penny was taken back. He was different in her memory.
“Penny Lane, you’re in my ear and in my heart,” he sang out too loud.
A light soon went on in her parent’s bedroom.
She acknowledged it and told him he would have to leave.
“Leave with me.”
“I can’t.”
“I leave tomorrow for good.”
“What do you mean?”
“I enlisted. I’m leaving tomorrow for Vietnam, me and all my brothers.”
Penny’s heart broke.
“Penny Lane,” he began to sing again as the light went on over the porch. They were hidden from her father’s view by the fence but he knew right where they were. It would be but a moment and he would be there.
“You have to go.”
“Not until tomorrow.”
She shook her head. “Now.”
“Come with me, Penny. Walk with me. Walk with me until morning.”
Her father appeared beside them. He hovered over them.
“Penny, go inside.”
Thursday 12 January 2012
This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. (Fight Club)
Tommy and his brothers were close. There was his youngest brother: Anthony often shortened to Tony. Tony always wanted to come along, help out, and be more like his brothers. Tony was scrawny and whiny. He had curly brown hair and somehow he was everywhere. Sometimes Senior was partial to Tony. More than the others, he wanted Tony to be happy or at least content and that marked the downfall of his objective decisions.
Rider arrived before Tony but Tony was always more part of the family than Rider. Rider begrudgingly belonged to the family. He was smarter than the others and embarrassed by his brothers. Rider snuck away to study whenever he could. His brown hair was always too long and tucked behind his ears. He was too tall and he continued growing at an outlandish rate. Rider’s pants were always too short and he was always tripping or falling or bumping into something. His body couldn’t keep up with his growth rate. He was quiet. Rider only did what he did what he had to regarding his father’s business. He was counting down the days until he finished school and, if he was lucky, went to college somewhere far, far away.
Tommy came before Rider. For a little while each year Tommy and Rider were the same age. They were both quiet, the quietest of all the brothers, but that was where their similarities ended. Sometimes they would sit together. Rider would let Tommy read his books and explain to him the themes and characters and sometimes the motifs. Tommy nodded but he didn’t know what a motif was and he missed the window of time in which he could have asked Rider to explain. Nonetheless, Tommy listened to Rider’s informative literary dribble. He didn’t understand much of what Rider said and he understood even less of what he read but he continued, when the others weren’t looking, hoping that something would sink in. The others didn’t know about this facet of Rider and Tommy’s relationship. When they heard the footsteps and heckling of their brothers heading toward them they would pretend to be sitting silently or Rider would pick up the book as if he were reading it to himself. Sometimes they really were just sitting in silence. They could sit together without speaking for hours and it was fine. Tommy loved Rider most.
Tommy loved Rick least. Ricky was the oldest and he thought he was in charge. Whenever Rick Senior was gone Ricky took on their father’s role. Where their father had compassion, and that was a narrow window reserved only for his boys, Ricky had none. Tommy was always afraid of the day their father would die and Ricky would take over. The operations would get greedier, more dangerous, and more violent. There were already enough of those characteristics as it was.
Vincent was Ricky’s best friend and he basically lived with them until his parents found drugs in his bedroom then Vincent actually lived with them. Vincent was the closest any of them came to sweet. He wasn’t necessarily nice but he had certain sweetness to him. He wasn’t sweet in an endearing way; it was more of a malicious charisma.
He was as close as either of them came to attractive in any conventional sense of the word. It was likely just because he didn’t share their genes. Senior's genes. Despite the lack of common blood Vincent began to look like them after a while. They dressed alike, walked alike, talked alike, and spent all their time together. Anyone who didn’t know better would never be able to tell Vincent didn’t belong, because for all intents and purposes, he did.
Ricky got greedy, Ricky always did. He brought Vincent into the fold but then he tried to incorporate another body. Ricky gradually moved his girlfriend into the house too.
It was explosive.
“You’ve got to get that whore out of here,” Vincent complained.
“She’s not that bad. She cooks, she cleans…”
“She makes me want to kill myself,” Vincent threatened.
“No one’s stopping you.”
“Vinnie’s right,” huffed Tony. “She’s always busting my chops.”
“We leave in three days and I’m going to keep her here for every second until I leave, if you guys don’t like it you can leave.”
The boys had never left the country before. Rick Senior didn’t make a big deal of it so the boys pretended they didn’t think it was a big deal either. They acted nonchalant every step of the way but when they made their way home they had a different demeanour. There was a new air to them and their perspective wasn’t altered by the pointed mountains or the scarving, poverty-strictened crowds.
For the first time in their lives what they did became real. Tony and Rider missed some; Rick saw more than the others, but Tommy was changed and Vincent was scared – well, they were all scared.
The next trip would be different, the next time would be worse.
Rider arrived before Tony but Tony was always more part of the family than Rider. Rider begrudgingly belonged to the family. He was smarter than the others and embarrassed by his brothers. Rider snuck away to study whenever he could. His brown hair was always too long and tucked behind his ears. He was too tall and he continued growing at an outlandish rate. Rider’s pants were always too short and he was always tripping or falling or bumping into something. His body couldn’t keep up with his growth rate. He was quiet. Rider only did what he did what he had to regarding his father’s business. He was counting down the days until he finished school and, if he was lucky, went to college somewhere far, far away.
Tommy came before Rider. For a little while each year Tommy and Rider were the same age. They were both quiet, the quietest of all the brothers, but that was where their similarities ended. Sometimes they would sit together. Rider would let Tommy read his books and explain to him the themes and characters and sometimes the motifs. Tommy nodded but he didn’t know what a motif was and he missed the window of time in which he could have asked Rider to explain. Nonetheless, Tommy listened to Rider’s informative literary dribble. He didn’t understand much of what Rider said and he understood even less of what he read but he continued, when the others weren’t looking, hoping that something would sink in. The others didn’t know about this facet of Rider and Tommy’s relationship. When they heard the footsteps and heckling of their brothers heading toward them they would pretend to be sitting silently or Rider would pick up the book as if he were reading it to himself. Sometimes they really were just sitting in silence. They could sit together without speaking for hours and it was fine. Tommy loved Rider most.
Tommy loved Rick least. Ricky was the oldest and he thought he was in charge. Whenever Rick Senior was gone Ricky took on their father’s role. Where their father had compassion, and that was a narrow window reserved only for his boys, Ricky had none. Tommy was always afraid of the day their father would die and Ricky would take over. The operations would get greedier, more dangerous, and more violent. There were already enough of those characteristics as it was.
Vincent was Ricky’s best friend and he basically lived with them until his parents found drugs in his bedroom then Vincent actually lived with them. Vincent was the closest any of them came to sweet. He wasn’t necessarily nice but he had certain sweetness to him. He wasn’t sweet in an endearing way; it was more of a malicious charisma.
He was as close as either of them came to attractive in any conventional sense of the word. It was likely just because he didn’t share their genes. Senior's genes. Despite the lack of common blood Vincent began to look like them after a while. They dressed alike, walked alike, talked alike, and spent all their time together. Anyone who didn’t know better would never be able to tell Vincent didn’t belong, because for all intents and purposes, he did.
Ricky got greedy, Ricky always did. He brought Vincent into the fold but then he tried to incorporate another body. Ricky gradually moved his girlfriend into the house too.
It was explosive.
“You’ve got to get that whore out of here,” Vincent complained.
“She’s not that bad. She cooks, she cleans…”
“She makes me want to kill myself,” Vincent threatened.
“No one’s stopping you.”
“Vinnie’s right,” huffed Tony. “She’s always busting my chops.”
“We leave in three days and I’m going to keep her here for every second until I leave, if you guys don’t like it you can leave.”
The boys had never left the country before. Rick Senior didn’t make a big deal of it so the boys pretended they didn’t think it was a big deal either. They acted nonchalant every step of the way but when they made their way home they had a different demeanour. There was a new air to them and their perspective wasn’t altered by the pointed mountains or the scarving, poverty-strictened crowds.
For the first time in their lives what they did became real. Tony and Rider missed some; Rick saw more than the others, but Tommy was changed and Vincent was scared – well, they were all scared.
The next trip would be different, the next time would be worse.
Tuesday 10 January 2012
People put you down enough you start to believe it. The bad stuff is easier to believe, you ever notice that? (Pretty Woman)
Back at his car, he jumped up onto the hood and lay back. Carefully, Penny climbed up beside him and without hesitation he held his arm around her shoulders.
The parking lot was empty and they looked at the stars overhead.
“Where will you go when you’re away for a while?”
“I have to go on a trip.”
“That sounds fun.”
“No, a business trip.”
“I don’t understand what the business is.”
Tommy shrugged.
“Will you come back?”
“I hope so.”
“Where are you going?”
“Why do you have so many questions?”
“I’m inquisitive.”
Tommy smiled. He kissed her forehead and she smiled.
“I’ll miss you.”
“I miss you already, Penny.”
“Promise me you’ll come back.”
“I can’t promise anything because I don’t want to lie.”
“Promise you’ll be safe?”
He shook his head.
“Promise me something.”
She didn’t know what to tell him because she didn’t know what promise he would be able to keep. They didn’t speak for a long while.
“Tommy,” she began.
“Yes.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe in Heaven?”
“Yes.”
“Can we be together then?”
“I’m not going to Heaven.”
“You could at least try.”
At seventeen he professed that it was already too late for him.
“If you’re not going then I don’t want to go either.”
The parking lot was empty and they looked at the stars overhead.
“Where will you go when you’re away for a while?”
“I have to go on a trip.”
“That sounds fun.”
“No, a business trip.”
“I don’t understand what the business is.”
Tommy shrugged.
“Will you come back?”
“I hope so.”
“Where are you going?”
“Why do you have so many questions?”
“I’m inquisitive.”
Tommy smiled. He kissed her forehead and she smiled.
“I’ll miss you.”
“I miss you already, Penny.”
“Promise me you’ll come back.”
“I can’t promise anything because I don’t want to lie.”
“Promise you’ll be safe?”
He shook his head.
“Promise me something.”
She didn’t know what to tell him because she didn’t know what promise he would be able to keep. They didn’t speak for a long while.
“Tommy,” she began.
“Yes.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe in Heaven?”
“Yes.”
“Can we be together then?”
“I’m not going to Heaven.”
“You could at least try.”
At seventeen he professed that it was already too late for him.
“If you’re not going then I don’t want to go either.”
Monday 9 January 2012
A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. (John Shedd)
The sun was setting when he drove her home. She thought about what it would be like to keep driving. They could drive until they were a long way Philadelphia, a long way from fourteen and seventeen, a long way from their families, a long way from home.
“I don’t want it to be over,” she whispered as they neared her house. “When will I see you again?”
“I have to go away for a while.”
“What does that mean?”
He didn’t want to look at her so he stared out the windshield. His car idled beside the curb two houses down from hers. She didn’t know if she was supposed to get out here but she wouldn’t, not until he told her to get out. She didn’t care if it made her look stupid. She didn’t know when she would see him again. He wouldn’t be back to school in September. He was going away for a while. She knew stepping out of his car now would entail stepping out of his life, maybe forever.
He took a deep breath and put his foot to the gas.
She was afraid as his tires smoked over the pavement in front of her house. She swallowed nervously and wondered if he was mad, if she should have got out when she could have. They left her house behind and rocketed down the door at breakneck speed, right through a set of red lights.
“What are you doing?” she yelled clutching her skirt in her wiry fists. “Tommy! Slow down!”
He did, but only because he had reached the destination he set out to find.
Tommy stopped in the parking lot of the park where they had come that first day, his fifteenth birthday.
He looked at her now, acknowledging how she had changed. She wasn’t a child anymore but she still had so much innocence. She looked scared. He almost wished he hadn’t driven so recklessly. Yet he liked this glimpse of fear. It made him feel like he could protect her even if just from himself. Rick’s girlfriend wouldn’t be afraid; she was too brazen to fear anything. Penny wasn’t like her; Penny wasn’t like anyone he knew. He didn’t want anyone he knew to even meet her, corrupt her, scare her away. He wanted to keep his family and Penny separate lives. Though he had never met his mother he felt in his heart that she would love Penny.
Tommy noticed Penny’s pale white hands still clutching her skirt. Her nervous smile was endearing and though she was taller now and grown into her features a little more, she still had the face of a child. Her soft hair was curled in perfect ringlets tied in a neat ponytail. Her face glowed. She was an angel. A moment ago he didn’t want to look at her, now he didn’t want to look away.
He could feel the weight of his stare weighing on her. He asked if she wanted to go for a walk. The sun set and they ate ice cream and they walked. They didn’t hold hands, they just walked. When they reached the end of the park they turned and walked back – it was ending, their time was fading fast.
“I don’t want it to be over,” she whispered as they neared her house. “When will I see you again?”
“I have to go away for a while.”
“What does that mean?”
He didn’t want to look at her so he stared out the windshield. His car idled beside the curb two houses down from hers. She didn’t know if she was supposed to get out here but she wouldn’t, not until he told her to get out. She didn’t care if it made her look stupid. She didn’t know when she would see him again. He wouldn’t be back to school in September. He was going away for a while. She knew stepping out of his car now would entail stepping out of his life, maybe forever.
He took a deep breath and put his foot to the gas.
She was afraid as his tires smoked over the pavement in front of her house. She swallowed nervously and wondered if he was mad, if she should have got out when she could have. They left her house behind and rocketed down the door at breakneck speed, right through a set of red lights.
“What are you doing?” she yelled clutching her skirt in her wiry fists. “Tommy! Slow down!”
He did, but only because he had reached the destination he set out to find.
Tommy stopped in the parking lot of the park where they had come that first day, his fifteenth birthday.
He looked at her now, acknowledging how she had changed. She wasn’t a child anymore but she still had so much innocence. She looked scared. He almost wished he hadn’t driven so recklessly. Yet he liked this glimpse of fear. It made him feel like he could protect her even if just from himself. Rick’s girlfriend wouldn’t be afraid; she was too brazen to fear anything. Penny wasn’t like her; Penny wasn’t like anyone he knew. He didn’t want anyone he knew to even meet her, corrupt her, scare her away. He wanted to keep his family and Penny separate lives. Though he had never met his mother he felt in his heart that she would love Penny.
Tommy noticed Penny’s pale white hands still clutching her skirt. Her nervous smile was endearing and though she was taller now and grown into her features a little more, she still had the face of a child. Her soft hair was curled in perfect ringlets tied in a neat ponytail. Her face glowed. She was an angel. A moment ago he didn’t want to look at her, now he didn’t want to look away.
He could feel the weight of his stare weighing on her. He asked if she wanted to go for a walk. The sun set and they ate ice cream and they walked. They didn’t hold hands, they just walked. When they reached the end of the park they turned and walked back – it was ending, their time was fading fast.
Sunday 8 January 2012
Where you invest your love you invest your life. (Mumford & Sons)
On the morning of Tommy’s seventeenth birthday he came to pick Penny up in a black 1965 Ferrari 275 GTS. He didn’t come until after her father had left but her mother was home and she watched from the window. She called her husband to share the burden when Tommy’s car pulled away. Penny’s parents both knew they couldn’t tell her not to go, though she wasn’t yet fourteen years old.
Tommy drove and for a while neither spoke. Penny was glad to just be with him and a little overwhelmed to be driving down the highway in such a nice car. She had never been in a convertible before. She still didn’t understand how he could afford this car but decided against asking if he stole it. She was sure he didn’t, pretty sure anyway.
“I’ve missed you,” she said as they drove aimlessly down the highway. She was exhilarated to be somewhere her parents would never suspect.
“I’ve missed you too.”
They stopped at a diner in the middle of nowhere to eat a late lunch or an early dinner.
“Tommy,” she asked carefully, “where do you get all your money?”
“My father.”
“Where does your father get it?”
“None of your business.”
Penny was taken back. She bit her lip and tried not to cry.
“Sorry,” Tommy apologized and held out his hand for hers. She hesitated.
“People say a lot of things about my family and I just thought you were different, I didn’t mean to get defensive.”
He extended his hand a little further and she nudged her hand forward. He put his hand over hers.
“What do people say?”
“Really?” he asked skeptically. “You haven’t heard the rumors?”
Penny shook her head.
“Maybe that’s why you still spend time with me.”
Penny furrowed her eyebrows.
“Let’s drop it.”
Penny nodded and they didn’t talk about it again.
Tommy drove and for a while neither spoke. Penny was glad to just be with him and a little overwhelmed to be driving down the highway in such a nice car. She had never been in a convertible before. She still didn’t understand how he could afford this car but decided against asking if he stole it. She was sure he didn’t, pretty sure anyway.
“I’ve missed you,” she said as they drove aimlessly down the highway. She was exhilarated to be somewhere her parents would never suspect.
“I’ve missed you too.”
They stopped at a diner in the middle of nowhere to eat a late lunch or an early dinner.
“Tommy,” she asked carefully, “where do you get all your money?”
“My father.”
“Where does your father get it?”
“None of your business.”
Penny was taken back. She bit her lip and tried not to cry.
“Sorry,” Tommy apologized and held out his hand for hers. She hesitated.
“People say a lot of things about my family and I just thought you were different, I didn’t mean to get defensive.”
He extended his hand a little further and she nudged her hand forward. He put his hand over hers.
“What do people say?”
“Really?” he asked skeptically. “You haven’t heard the rumors?”
Penny shook her head.
“Maybe that’s why you still spend time with me.”
Penny furrowed her eyebrows.
“Let’s drop it.”
Penny nodded and they didn’t talk about it again.
Saturday 7 January 2012
Some people walk into our lives and physically walk out but they never really leave. (Arminda Meer)
Penny didn’t see Tommy again until September but that day alone was good enough to keep her for the rest of the summer.
Penny played out worst case scenarios in her mind: he kisses another girl, he likes another girl, he never comes back to school, but no matter what would come she knew she could never go back. Things were never the same with her family again. Nothing was ever the same again.
In the fall they picked up their after school reading reunions where they had left off.
Penny’s mother caught on and tried to put a stop to it. Her mother told him to leave, the next day he came back and she asked him to leave, the next day he came back and she sat out in the backyard all the while. By the fourth known rendezvous her mother sat in the backyard, listened, and fell in love with the innocent reading sessions. She still didn’t approve but she didn’t fight it. She warned Penny but she let it continue. Her father and sister were still in the dark.
The snow came and the reading stopped and it was difficult for them both.
The snow melted and the reading resumed but summer soon came and they were separated again.
She waited for him on his birthday but he didn’t come for her.
They had autumn but things were changing. In school, when he was even there, Tommy was with his brothers and his friends. They were rough and they were tough and even the teachers seemed to be afraid of them. The jocks still ran the school in the conventional sense but even they feared Tommy and his brothers.
They sat in Rick’s fancy red car at lunch and smoked, that was if they stayed for the day. Most of the time, they retreated to his car and left. Every girl in school swooned over Vincent, Rick’s sidekick, but he wasn’t interested in any of them. He loved being loved and he thought if he were unattainable he would be even more desirable.
Rick hated school. Rick had a girlfriend. She was gaudy and opinionated and once Penny saw him hit her in the hallway during class when no one else was around.
Sometimes Penny overheard girls talking about Tommy and she gritted her teeth and tried to block it out. She saw him less now because he didn’t walk her home anymore.
After the winter he would walk her home on occasion. They would talk and she would laugh and when she reached her house it broke her heart because she didn’t know when she would see him again.
She wasn’t as confident that he still cared for her. He hadn’t kissed her since his fifteenth birthday and she was afraid he never would again. She cried herself to sleep on nights he walked her home, on nights he didn’t, on warm nights that seemed to summon summer... But some nights she just thought of him and smiled.
Penny played out worst case scenarios in her mind: he kisses another girl, he likes another girl, he never comes back to school, but no matter what would come she knew she could never go back. Things were never the same with her family again. Nothing was ever the same again.
In the fall they picked up their after school reading reunions where they had left off.
Penny’s mother caught on and tried to put a stop to it. Her mother told him to leave, the next day he came back and she asked him to leave, the next day he came back and she sat out in the backyard all the while. By the fourth known rendezvous her mother sat in the backyard, listened, and fell in love with the innocent reading sessions. She still didn’t approve but she didn’t fight it. She warned Penny but she let it continue. Her father and sister were still in the dark.
The snow came and the reading stopped and it was difficult for them both.
The snow melted and the reading resumed but summer soon came and they were separated again.
She waited for him on his birthday but he didn’t come for her.
They had autumn but things were changing. In school, when he was even there, Tommy was with his brothers and his friends. They were rough and they were tough and even the teachers seemed to be afraid of them. The jocks still ran the school in the conventional sense but even they feared Tommy and his brothers.
They sat in Rick’s fancy red car at lunch and smoked, that was if they stayed for the day. Most of the time, they retreated to his car and left. Every girl in school swooned over Vincent, Rick’s sidekick, but he wasn’t interested in any of them. He loved being loved and he thought if he were unattainable he would be even more desirable.
Rick hated school. Rick had a girlfriend. She was gaudy and opinionated and once Penny saw him hit her in the hallway during class when no one else was around.
Sometimes Penny overheard girls talking about Tommy and she gritted her teeth and tried to block it out. She saw him less now because he didn’t walk her home anymore.
After the winter he would walk her home on occasion. They would talk and she would laugh and when she reached her house it broke her heart because she didn’t know when she would see him again.
She wasn’t as confident that he still cared for her. He hadn’t kissed her since his fifteenth birthday and she was afraid he never would again. She cried herself to sleep on nights he walked her home, on nights he didn’t, on warm nights that seemed to summon summer... But some nights she just thought of him and smiled.
Friday 6 January 2012
You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Chandler Bing, Friends)
Tommy and Penny walked to the boardwalk for lunch she didn’t know what she wanted. There was too much to choose from and she was afraid he wouldn’t have enough money.
She told him she would just have whatever he had.
“You’re sure?”
She nodded.
She sat at a picnic table and when he returned he had a vanilla milkshake, a chocolate milkshake and he told her to pick. He had two burgers, two sets of French fries, two hotdogs, and two bags of potato chips.
“Tommy! What will we do with all this food?”
“Eat it. If we’re hungry afterward we’ll get more.”
“Tommy,” she said in a hushed voice, “did you steal this?”
He shook his head without taking offense to the accusation.
“Where did you get enough money for all this?” This was the most magnificent feast of fast food Penny had ever seen.
“I bought it. Don’t worry, Penny, as long as you’re with me you’ll have everything you’ll ever need.”
He didn’t realize the implications of the promise at the time.
They ate and ate and ate some more. Penny got sick and they walked back to the park and lay on the grass for a long while. When Penny felt better they got ice cream cones. Tommy held her hair while she threw up into a bush. Then they indulged again, this time they got the biggest brightest bag of candy Penny had ever seen and they ate them all the way back to the library. She was delirious when she reached her bicycle and too woozy to drive. He pushed her bicycle as they walked back to her house. It was getting late when they arrived. The station wagon was parked in the driveway and she didn’t know what time it was but she expected that her parents were sitting at the table for their dinner.
“Thank you for everything,” Penny said and took her bicycle back from him. “It was a really great day, really-really great. I hope you had an okay birthday.”
He nodded and she thought he may have murmured the word “Perfect.”
They both paused. She was still only eleven and he didn’t know the rules but rules had never stopped him before. She was tingling with nervousness.
He leaned in swiftly and stole a kiss. Penny was dazed. Tommy stood there still, just on the other side of her bicycle.
Penny didn’t hear the door open. Penny didn’t hear them call her name. Penny didn’t realize what was happening until Tommy was shooed away from her. Her bicycle fell to the ground in slow motion as she was ushered inside by her entire family.
They yelled and complained and prayed and her mother cried. Penny threw up. They prayed more. They asked questions, so many questions.
“What did he do to you?”
Penny threw up.
She was aware of what was happening and aware that her family were angry, disappointed, concerned; but it was all happening around her and not to her. It was a silent movie playing out in black and white around her.
When she finally spoke, they all stopped. Everything was still as she said: “I had the best day.”
The words hung in the air.
Her mother cried.
Her father prayed.
Her sister scolded her.
“Boys like that are nothing but trouble. His whole family is trouble. Penny, he’s going to ruin your life.”
Maybe Tommy would ruin her life but years later as Penny died and her life flashed before her eyes all those best moments whizzed by. She knew then that without Tommy she would be watching a blank reel. Although without Tommy she may have had more pages in her story.
She told him she would just have whatever he had.
“You’re sure?”
She nodded.
She sat at a picnic table and when he returned he had a vanilla milkshake, a chocolate milkshake and he told her to pick. He had two burgers, two sets of French fries, two hotdogs, and two bags of potato chips.
“Tommy! What will we do with all this food?”
“Eat it. If we’re hungry afterward we’ll get more.”
“Tommy,” she said in a hushed voice, “did you steal this?”
He shook his head without taking offense to the accusation.
“Where did you get enough money for all this?” This was the most magnificent feast of fast food Penny had ever seen.
“I bought it. Don’t worry, Penny, as long as you’re with me you’ll have everything you’ll ever need.”
He didn’t realize the implications of the promise at the time.
They ate and ate and ate some more. Penny got sick and they walked back to the park and lay on the grass for a long while. When Penny felt better they got ice cream cones. Tommy held her hair while she threw up into a bush. Then they indulged again, this time they got the biggest brightest bag of candy Penny had ever seen and they ate them all the way back to the library. She was delirious when she reached her bicycle and too woozy to drive. He pushed her bicycle as they walked back to her house. It was getting late when they arrived. The station wagon was parked in the driveway and she didn’t know what time it was but she expected that her parents were sitting at the table for their dinner.
“Thank you for everything,” Penny said and took her bicycle back from him. “It was a really great day, really-really great. I hope you had an okay birthday.”
He nodded and she thought he may have murmured the word “Perfect.”
They both paused. She was still only eleven and he didn’t know the rules but rules had never stopped him before. She was tingling with nervousness.
He leaned in swiftly and stole a kiss. Penny was dazed. Tommy stood there still, just on the other side of her bicycle.
Penny didn’t hear the door open. Penny didn’t hear them call her name. Penny didn’t realize what was happening until Tommy was shooed away from her. Her bicycle fell to the ground in slow motion as she was ushered inside by her entire family.
They yelled and complained and prayed and her mother cried. Penny threw up. They prayed more. They asked questions, so many questions.
“What did he do to you?”
Penny threw up.
She was aware of what was happening and aware that her family were angry, disappointed, concerned; but it was all happening around her and not to her. It was a silent movie playing out in black and white around her.
When she finally spoke, they all stopped. Everything was still as she said: “I had the best day.”
The words hung in the air.
Her mother cried.
Her father prayed.
Her sister scolded her.
“Boys like that are nothing but trouble. His whole family is trouble. Penny, he’s going to ruin your life.”
Maybe Tommy would ruin her life but years later as Penny died and her life flashed before her eyes all those best moments whizzed by. She knew then that without Tommy she would be watching a blank reel. Although without Tommy she may have had more pages in her story.
Thursday 5 January 2012
Nothing was mine, except my heart, and my fears. And my growing knowledge that not every road was going to lead home anymore. (The Wonder Years)
Tommy continued going to school most of the time but he didn’t learn a lot. His brothers, friends, and family business took up most of his time, but he made every effort to be at school for the afternoon so he could leave just after Penny and walk her home from a distance and listen to her read.
These meetings continued until there was a big snowfall. Penny waited for the snow to melt but when it did there were just a couple months left before summer came again. Her life was about reading to Tommy, those were the best moments of it anyway.
Summer came and began to drag itself out again. One day in August something happened. Penny bicycled to the library as she always did and when she got there, Tommy was waiting outside for her.
“Tommy!” she exclaimed. She ran up to him and almost embraced him before she caught herself. She stopped in front of him and took a breath. Cowardice consumed her. “What are you doing here?”
“My dad told me I could have a day off. He told me I could do anything I wanted today.”
“So you came to the library?”
“I knew you would be here.”
She was stunned.
She fished for a comment and the best she could think of was: “Why did you get a day off?”
Stupid question, she scolded herself. She had been dreaming of a chance to see him all summer and now that she had gotten her coveted wish she was dumbfounded.
“It’s my birthday.”
“Your birthday,” she repeated dumbly.
“I’m fifteen today.”
She couldn’t comprehend how it had happened. He was turning fifteen and for another thirty-four days she would only be eleven. He was aging faster than her in every respect.
“What do you want to do?”
He shrugged. “I was hoping you could read to me.”
Penny nodded eagerly. She locked her bicycle to a post at the library and took Treasure Island from the white basket bolted onto her handlebars.
They walked to the nearby park and sat beneath a tree where she read to him all morning.
At noon he asked if she ever got hungry and she nodded reluctantly.
“Do you want to go to the boardwalk? It’s not far.”
“The boardwalk,” she repeated. Stop repeating everything he says. “To eat?”
Tommy nodded. “You did say that you eat.”
“I don’t have any money.”
“That’s okay,” Tommy said. “I’ll buy you lunch.”
She knew he was fifteen now and that came with a set of privileges all its own but she didn’t think money would be one of those privileges, at least not for Tommy – he was supposed to be poor. He looked poor and acted poor. He was poorer than her, he had to be.
These meetings continued until there was a big snowfall. Penny waited for the snow to melt but when it did there were just a couple months left before summer came again. Her life was about reading to Tommy, those were the best moments of it anyway.
Summer came and began to drag itself out again. One day in August something happened. Penny bicycled to the library as she always did and when she got there, Tommy was waiting outside for her.
“Tommy!” she exclaimed. She ran up to him and almost embraced him before she caught herself. She stopped in front of him and took a breath. Cowardice consumed her. “What are you doing here?”
“My dad told me I could have a day off. He told me I could do anything I wanted today.”
“So you came to the library?”
“I knew you would be here.”
She was stunned.
She fished for a comment and the best she could think of was: “Why did you get a day off?”
Stupid question, she scolded herself. She had been dreaming of a chance to see him all summer and now that she had gotten her coveted wish she was dumbfounded.
“It’s my birthday.”
“Your birthday,” she repeated dumbly.
“I’m fifteen today.”
She couldn’t comprehend how it had happened. He was turning fifteen and for another thirty-four days she would only be eleven. He was aging faster than her in every respect.
“What do you want to do?”
He shrugged. “I was hoping you could read to me.”
Penny nodded eagerly. She locked her bicycle to a post at the library and took Treasure Island from the white basket bolted onto her handlebars.
They walked to the nearby park and sat beneath a tree where she read to him all morning.
At noon he asked if she ever got hungry and she nodded reluctantly.
“Do you want to go to the boardwalk? It’s not far.”
“The boardwalk,” she repeated. Stop repeating everything he says. “To eat?”
Tommy nodded. “You did say that you eat.”
“I don’t have any money.”
“That’s okay,” Tommy said. “I’ll buy you lunch.”
She knew he was fifteen now and that came with a set of privileges all its own but she didn’t think money would be one of those privileges, at least not for Tommy – he was supposed to be poor. He looked poor and acted poor. He was poorer than her, he had to be.
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