You use your money to buy privacy because most of your life you aren't allowed to be normal. (Johnny Depp)

For the first time in my life I was lost. (How ironic, I know, as I was just “found”). I still knew what I wanted but I felt lost amid the rubble of my past life.

I didn't want to be a drug dealer or a drug addict. I had my Private Pilot License but I more from my dream to fly. I would be an aviator, if I wasn't already. The next day I started toward my Airline Transport Pilot Certificate, which was the highest certification possible.

I was never one of those girls, those lost misguided girls looking for themselves. Before I was legal drinking age I had lived more than most middle-aged adults. I always knew what I wanted. I would have moments of confusion where I felt lost but I would figure it out. I think it was because I was alone. Some people think they have to go to Europe and hike mountains to be alone and figure out who they are but that is silly to me. I feel overwhelmed and I take a deep breath. I sit in an empty house or under the hot sun and I think. You just need to focus and you can figure it all out, that's been my experience at least.

So that was my life. I was studying, flying, going to church on Sundays; I had a regular life. I was still getting high nearly every day but it didn't hurt anyone.