The needle tears a hole. The old familiar sting. (Johnny Cash)

Joseph came to see me twice. The first time my housekeeper sent him away. The second time he came in and sat at my sunny dining room table with me. Rita, my housekeeper in the Palisades, brought us coffee and placed it in front of us. Joseph was handsome. I could see that but I couldn't feel it anymore. He left.

He was at Honey on a Saturday night. He had been dancing just like we always did together. I loved dancing with him. He was the one who ignited my love for dancing. We would dance for hours. My feet would ache. I smiled so much, so widely, even my cheeks ached. We had so much fun. I loved him with all my heart, I’ll admit that now. He was the first man I loved and maybe losing him would have sent me over the edge if I wasn't already gone.

Steinbecker showed up one sunny day. I was sitting by the pool, drinking. She sat in the chair beside me. We both looked straight ahead.

“I don't want to be the bearer of bad news again but no one else would tell you. Honey, you've got everyone worried.”

I robotically extended my arm, picked up my glass, tipped it back and returned it to the table.

“It's Joseph. Something has happened at Honey on Saturday night. He's been, well, troubled lately. You know he was never one to do a lot of drugs anymore. But on Saturday he did some coke and it was, it was a little purer than he thought. You know how he’s lost his tolerance for that stuff.” She sighed. “It was a culmination of things, I guess.”

I think she was waiting for me to ask a question and push for more information. I think she was waiting for me to cry or to break from my trance. I couldn't react, I just couldn't. I didn't even want to know any more. If I didn't know, did it really happen?

“He overdosed. It was accident. He didn't mean to do it. He died on Saturday night at Honey. They took him to the hospital but he was DOA.”