Took the midnight train going anywhere. (Journey)

Joseph was gone. It was like he had never been there at all. I had nothing to remember him by. Like I said, if I hadn't been over the edge this would have put me there but since I was already gone, this ended up being what brought me back.

After Steinbecker was gone, I got up and called a driver. His body had already left the country and I could feel it. I could feel again. I went to Honey. There was still police tape lingering around but I owned the place and there weren't any cops creeping around with magnifying glasses so it seemed okay to enter. I stood on the dance floor where I had danced with Joseph so many times before. I stood there. The bar was empty. I could feel him. I turned on Journey; he loved them, not as much for dancing as just something he liked to listen to while driving or hanging out around the apartment. I thought of him belting out Just a small town girl living in a lonely world with his Saudi accent as we drove down the 405. I almost laughed. Joseph was alive for a moment longer.

I imagined him with me there in that moment on that empty dance floor. It was vivid.

I smiled because he was with me.

Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling...

I danced. After being catatonic for weeks, I danced. I danced with Joseph. But as they always do, the song ended. Joseph was gone and I let myself feel the devastating loss. I collapsed into a heap on the dance floor and I sobbed. It was easier to be catatonic but it was a relief to be alive again even if Joseph and William weren't anymore. I could survive without them but, my God, it hurt, my God, my God.