It's who I am. Anyone can be a slut, a druggie, and so on, but it takes a lot to be a good girl. (Michaela Marie)

He made me stop apologizing, not just to him but for everything. He didn’t like that I still did drugs. I tried to be more discreet. I never lied but I just tried not to be blatant about it. I still didn’t see anything wrong with loving God and loving drugs. Why should two things that make me feel good be mutually exclusive? Christian tried to explain it to me why it was wrong. It was the only thing we really fought about. In an effort to keep the peace we decided to ignore it, you know, sweep the elephant under the rug because that never backfires.

Our first Christmas as a couple was spent split between California and Pennsylvania. We spent Christmas Eve in Topanga and then did the Santa-style overnight flight to Philly for Christmas Day. That was when he proposed. His mother was peculiar on Christmas Eve, I should have expected something. He stole off with my father when we were all opening presents. It would have been obvious if I had suspected anything like that could ever happen to me. We were dating, sure, but marriage was unfathomable then. A guy like him and a girl like me; it was crazy. Even if I could see it coming, I would never let my heart think it and get its hopes up.