“Hate what?”
“This! The way you are and the things you do! I hate it, Hope, and
I can’t live like this.”
“Like what? At the ranch? We can go back to the Palisades. I don’t
care where we are.”
“It doesn’t matter where we are because you’re always going to
be like this. Aren’t you? Aren’t you!”
“Like what?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Hope! I know what happened. I know you
gave Lilia drugs.”
I stopped cold.
“You did,” he said dejectedly as though he had expected me to
object.
“I didn’t mean to, Christian, honest I didn’t! You have to
believe me. She thought it was sugar, I didn’t see her take it. You
know I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“What does it matter?”
“I don’t know, you’re the one who’s mad?”
“No, I mean what does it matter how the drugs got into her system,
the fact of the matter is they did. How can we have children? How can
I ever feel safe leaving them at home with you when I go to school?”
That hurt. The scariest thing about
loving someone completely is that it gives them the opportunity to
hurt you in a profound sort of way. It was that paralyzing pain that
froze me there for a silent moment. He looked away, afraid to face
the pain he had caused, pain that was smeared all over my face.
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