Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Don't forget the people who loved you, they will realize one day that they still do. (Brittani Lavonne)

So I was discharged from the hospital and I went to hell, I mean prison, I mean rehab. The three terms are synonymous.

Christian drove me out to Orange County and abandoned me at the Healing by the Ocean Care Facility. I could vomit just on account of the name alone. He went to carry my bags in but was stopped in the lobby. Husbands weren’t allowed any further. So he eased my luggage onto the marble floor and like we were in a fishbowl, which came to be a theme, we say a too quick goodbye before I was ready. One of the friendly-looking security guards escorted him out and for once being alone was a very bad feeling. Maybe it was because I wasn’t alone. Until I left I wouldn’t be alone again.

The lobby was about the nicest of the place. For what I was paying the whole place should have been made of shiny marble like the lobby floor. I had to share a bedroom with another woman. It was like the freshman year I never had… at a nunnery. The bedroom was smaller than it should have been, again considering how expensive it was, and though I suppose it was sunny and nice, it wasn’t home. They tried to make it feel like home though. There were different houses all set up to make us like dysfunctional little families. The houses were big enough but there was a forced coziness and a lived-in feel that was jammed down your throat. Aside from the lobby of the main building, nothing was like a hotel. I thought the whole place would be like a hotel. That was what I wanted: a little vacation. They made it seem like a resort in the advertisements but it wasn’t. Maybe if I could have been objective about it I would have loved the place. It was like a dry village designed for desperate rich people.  

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