Got out of bed today. I'm alive. What can I say? (The Ataris)

I was in the heroin house. There were no claw marks on the walls but I could tell that it had been just painted and I wondered if that was why. It was the highest of the houses perched on a cliff. We had to walk (or ride in the ridiculous golf carts) a few hundred meters to reach the circular loop that the rest of the houses were on. I didn’t understand why we were segregated at first. We had to trek the farthest to get down to the facility’s private beach and I wasn’t impressed by that.

However, the first time I went to the heroin house pool, I paced out to the edge of our deck and leaned over the glass partition. I stared down at the water crashing below, disappearing under the cliff’s edge. It was like I was flying. When the breeze blew I held out my arms and let the air rush all around me. It was like I was flying. I could feel like wind hitting me and the nothingness below me. It was amazing. It wasn’t like a real chemical high but I assumed it was as close as I would get while I was in here.

I looked down again. I wondered how many people had dove down there to their death. I could feel myself beginning to crash. It started in my stomach or was it my head? I knelt to the ground and clenched my stomach, squeezed my eyes shut and rocked back and forth.

Someone came to me and guided me to the basement, where the dark room was. That was where people went to detox. It was a fun place, really. The next couple days were really quite fun too. It took me back to Rider’s apartment. I missed that place. I missed him. I wished I could be back there. I don’t know if I would do anything differently but I would just like to go back. Things were so much better back then. I was younger and I had so much more promise and potential. Every day I got a little older and added a few more mistakes to the growing list that was becoming my life.