It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice. (Jim Morrison)

It was impossible. I sat there for hours and let it simmer but no insight came. I wondered if it had finally happened: had the drugs finally made me dumb?

I was out of the business without persecution of any kind. I had more money than any person could ever need. I could fly. Maybe I should follow God and quit for good. I could. It would have been easy. Retired at age twenty – that might have been the dream for some people but it wasn’t the dream for me. No, it definitely wasn’t. I just couldn’t see it. I don’t think I could… not really.

There’s something about taking the ferry rather than the clipper out on the seas that appeals to people. I had taken a chance on the dangerous ride. Probability would only save me so long. Maybe it was time to tie up the boat. Maybe I had rolled the dice and won. Why roll again? I had my moment of triumph and failure and now I could spend my days in the sun. I won. I lost, look at the place, but maybe I won.