I sometimes have a feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think "Hmm, better not." (Pitch Perfect)

I was crying before I knew what was happening. Steinbecker pulled me into the backseat of her Mercedes without missing a beat. I was shivering despite the heat.

“Listen, Honey,” she said with a deep breath and took my hand in hers, “there's been an incident.”

I gasped and shivered more. “What happened? They know about the meth?”

“It's more than that,” she said with a heavy heart. I thought she was making it out to be more than it was.

“The production at the building was getting to be quite substantial. I think you were well aware of that.” I nodded. “The market for illegal drugs in Los Angeles is insatiable but the production here had come to the attention of a Mexican drug cartel that felt this was hindering their business.”

“How could it be? We only sold it here? We didn't go out and take customers from anyone. I guess there was some sold at Lifestyle, Super Hundred and Honey.”

“That's not really how it works. It's about territory and... Honey, it's bad.”

“What? Am I under arrest?”

“Maybe we should get Joseph or Rider in here before I tell you.”

I punched the back of the black leather seat ahead of me in a swift change of emotion. I demanded, “What's going on?”

She swallowed before she said, “They came to the Hundred Party on Friday and...”

“And what?” I shouted. 

It was not your fault but mine and it was your heart on the line. I really ------ it up this time, didn't I my dear? (Mumford and Sons)

I felt really happy as the driver took us to our building. I felt like my horizons had been broadened and I felt like a better person for it.

I wondered if Christian had missed me at church. I would be honest about my trip. I bet he would be impressed. I would even tell him about Joseph. A rich Saudi boyfriend couldn't hurt the situation. It's not like Christian could possibly be any less interested in me.

I fell asleep on Joseph's shoulder and was jarred awake by the state of affairs that met us at the apartment.

I saw Rider's car before anything else. I hoped I wasn't in trouble. Little did I know, Rider was the least of my concern.

The building was partitioned with police tape. Rider was standing with two police officers and his lawyer. He looked like my father for the first time. He hadn't slept in a while.

I didn't see the press until I had got out of the car. They abandoned the officers and bombarded me. I lost any cool or charisma I had built. Lights were flashing, microphones were shoved down my throat and everyone was yelling at me. I couldn't comprehend anything they were saying. I was trying to look behind and find Joseph. I was reaching out to him. He was nowhere. I was surrounded. Courtney Steinbecker, my lawyer and savior, pulled me out of the lion's den. She refused comment on the horrific tragedy that had transpired. She told them that I had been overseas and had not been briefed. 

I heard that chivalry was dead but I think it just has a bad flu. (Meg Ryan)

Even though I was falling fast for Christian, it was pretty hopeless. One of Joseph's brothers was getting married so he decided to go to home to Saudi Arabia for the wedding. He invited me to come along. I had never been to Saudi Arabia. I always wanted to go. I ran it by Rider and he thought it would be a good experience for me. He offered to take care of business while I was away but I told him not to worry about my building. I didn't want him sniffing around. I told him my assistant would take care of it. Miami was pretty good with things.

I made sure our runner, Martin, was going to watch over Tommy. I didn't really trust Tommy, especially not while I was away with Joseph. Tommy was jealous and unpredictable.

When I left I was confident things would be taken care of though. I spent a week with his family. They were a delight. But the way women were treated made me sick to my stomach. I had never been so grateful to be American. When we arrived back at LAX, I was glad to be home.

“Sorry, if that was overwhelming,” he apologized as we waited for our bags.

“No, it was great. I love big families. Maybe I'll take you to Philadelphia to meet my family.”

We kissed.

“That would be nice,” he said and held my hand until our luggage came by. He hoisted my bag off first and I considered how nice it was to have a man doing things for me. Maybe my feminist tendencies weren't entirely honest. I guess chivalry goes against all the feminist bull I thought was so liberating, but I don’t want to carry my own bags around, open my own doors, and drive myself around like a pauper.

That's when I realized that women have the potential to be the most powerful. No matter how powerful a man is there is still a binding social contract that pushes him to pull out my chair like a servant. I smiled and kissed Joseph again. I led the way as he followed behind towing the luggage. 

Every woman is a mystery to be solved. (Don Juan DeMarco)

When I was in the foyer waiting to squeak through the doorway, which was clogged with well-wishers shaking hands and exchanging smiles. I didn't mind the wait. I wanted to stall my exit in hopes of running into the band as they made their way out. I was reading the bulletin board as I patiently waited for the way to clear. There were signup lists for Bible study groups all over the board. People (other than me) signing up to study; that was amusing. I was so accustomed to people who were seemingly allergic to learning.

“Looking for a bible study?” he asked.

I knew it was him before I turned around. I pasted on a big smile and turned casually.

“I'm considering it.”

Halleluiah! My, wasn’t he was a beautiful specimen of God's creation! I swear his eyes actually twinkled, not in a sleazy way either. The sun just hit them and bam! They were blue, a beautiful blue.

His complexion was pale like mine but clearer. His skin was almost transparent. I could see a blue vein in his neck. I was looking at his neck because he was very close to me, given the crowd. He was too close, which I never thought I'd say but I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. He was perfect. He was just angelic and I felt liable to screw up. I didn't know where to look. For the first time in my life I was coy.

“I was leading the outreach group until last week; that is a great one to get involved in. If you're newer to Christianity though and would prefer learning more first, there is a new believer group,” he pointed appropriately. “The group studying Daniel is really great too. I did it last year. It changed my life.”

I wanted to jump him right then and there.

“But have a look and go where the spirit leads.”

I signed up for three groups. He wasn't in either of them. I quit them all. “It conflicts with my work schedule, sorry.” I continued going to church every Sunday and I had migrated up to the fourth row. I think he smiled at me sometimes as he played but as much as I tried I couldn't manage to catch him and converse with him again.

I was getting the impression that he was the Don Juan of New Hope Community Church. Every woman in the congregation: married, widowed, divorced, single, spinster; they all fancied him. I couldn't believe how desolate my odds were for this simple church boy. It was disgusting. 

I hope I don't bore you too much with my story. (Elvis Presley)

On that first Sunday, there was a sweet little boy who sang Elvis' In My Father’s House. Foolishly, I imagined a ludicrous little fantasy. What if that sweet little boy was my son? And what if that equally sweet looking guitarist accompanying him was his adoring father?

In my father's house are many mansions

If it were not true he would have told me so

I thought of my father's house. No matter how many houses I came to own or where this spiritual exploration would lead, my father's house would always be my home.

Jesus died upon the cross to bear my sorrow

Freely died that souls like you might have new life

I had trouble with the guilt Christianity imposed but I liked the grace and the hope. Hope was my middle name – ha! Hope was my real name.

But I know that soon there'll come a bright tomorrow

When the world will all be free from sin and strife

It's like you see right through me. (Ray LaMontagne, You are the Best Thing)

Joseph caught a cold and he was such a baby about it. He had me tending on him like I was his nurse. I cared about Joseph, don’t get me wrong, but I was annoyed. I felt like his mother or his wife or some other familial role that I wanted no part in.

I had been back to Super Hundred several times but he was never outside again. So one morning during Joseph's cold I decided to go to church. I loved Joseph but when he asked if I could blow his nose I turned around and walked out of the apartment without a word.

I put on my most appropriate dress and I drove to New Hope Community Church, as per the card in my bible. I sat in the back and listened to the service. I should have had a little meth before I went. I felt naked. Everyone was really friendly though. He was there. He was on the stage. He played guitar. He looked good.

I could compare him to the other men in my life all I wanted but he wasn't like them. He was better than him. No matter what angle I tried to come at it from, he was the best there was and he didn't see me. 

One meets destiny often on the road taken to avoid it. (French Proverb)

“Looking for religion?” William laughed.

“I was just snubbed by an altar boy!”

William laughed again. I sat silently and dissected him before Will pulled out onto the road. Sure he was tall, but there were taller guys. He wasn't as tall as Tommy. His blond hair wasn't as golden as William's. His shoulders weren't as broad as Nicky's were, well, maybe they were, but his arms definitely weren't as muscular. I suspected he was a runner. He didn't have the forced muscular build of a gym guy but he did have a natural sort of strength to him.

Nevertheless, he was a hypocrite. How could he stand there passing out bibles and then ignore me? Is that what Jesus would do? I think not.

I started reading the Bible that night. It was just the New Testament so it wasn't even that much material to get through. Jesus made the rounds: performed some miracles, healed some people, spread the love. Those damn Pharisees and Sadducees weren't feeling the love and crucified him. Paul kept the love and learning going after Jesus was gone. No worries though, he game back. Good people go to Heaven and party on, the bad peeps go to the Lake of Fire and that's that.

My flight instructor asked me where my flying magazine was with a laugh as I read through the Bible while waiting for my flying lesson.