Christian returned that Sunday too. I suppose I should have been
apologetic or modest after our marital turbulence, but I was so
excited about Gloria's happiness.
I forgot all the things that had happened and I gushed, “Look at
them!” I pointed to Gloria. “Look how happy Gloria is!” I was
nearly in tears I was so excited. “I did that. It wasn't all me of
course, but I helped it along.” I beamed at Gloria beaming at her
mother and I didn't see it then but Christian was beaming at me. It
was a circle of goodness. It was a positive feedback loop. I liked
the good feeling of being good.
I decided then that I did deserve Christian, that I was a Christian,
and that I would be good.
I could see people now. Drugs ruined lives. I didn’t want to be
involved in that negative force tearing people down. I didn’t want
to be cuckolded in my own little corner of the world. I wanted to be
part of the world. I wanted to embrace people, embrace life, embrace
God and embrace goodness.
I liked the strange feeling of being good and clean. I wished it on
others. If only my family could be good and clean. If only they knew
what it felt like. It was better than being bad.
Uncle Tony was getting pretty sick and
so my family didn't come to visit while I was locked away. I had
planned a trip to visit them the week after I got out. I would buy my
new plane first, no expense to be spared on account of my fourteen
million dollar payday (not bad for a three and a half minute phone
call).
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