Eventually, everything goes away. (Elizabeth Gilbert)

As I lay in my childhood bed that night I felt an odd glimpse of happiness, before the phone rang. It was Steinbecker with news for me. William died in the hospital. I went catatonic.

Everyone from the apartment was displaced. The building was condemned. William was dead. William was dead.

I ran away in floods of shame. Never tell how close I came. (Mumford & Sons, Home)

Returning to my father's house was like coming home. Driving up to the grounds in a three car convoy made me feel like a little girl again. When we broke through the forest and the meadow opened up before us. The mansion sat there waiting for me. I was home.

“So why were you flying in from Beulah, North Dakota?” asked my father as they started dinner.

“Funeral,” I said. “My assistant was one of the people who died in the shooting.”

“I'm sorry,” said my mother.

“It would have been a lovely spot otherwise. I wonder what it would be like to live a farm. It seems like it would be a nice little life.”

“That would be nice,” my mother said sympathetically. Everything was drenched with sympathy.

But when no one spoke it didn't made anything easier.

“How are you?” Senior asked. He hadn't asked me that since I killed the hippie.

I sighed, “It's been a rough ride the last little while.”

Uncle Tony sat across from me and pulled some heroin out of the canister on the table. He prepared a needle and asked if I wanted one. I hesitated.

“I don't really do that anymore.”

Everyone froze.

“You don't do what anymore?”

“Heroin. Rider made me detox before I moved out. I do a little meth now but that's it.” Okay, so I did more than a little, but I wanted to have some progress to show.

“Your teeth look pretty good for a meth head,” said Uncle Tony.

I gave him a dirty look but a smile broke through. I loved my family.

It's too cold outside for angels to fly. (Ed Sheeran)

After the funeral, I got a flight to Philly. This all would have been much easier if I was flying myself around back then. I wasn't finished with my supervised flying hours yet. There were a few things money couldn't buy or at least a few things I respected enough to follow the rules.

I called my mother from the airport in Beulah. The whole family was waiting for me in the airport in Philadelphia: my mother, my father, Uncle Tony, Senior, and what was left of Scotch. The bubbly little blond girl in flamboyant clothes was now a shrunken stick person.

My mother held me and told me they had been watching it all on the news. They all looked at me with pity. I wished now that I had told them about my successes, it would have balanced out my failures.

I realize there's something incredibly honest about trees in winter, they're experts at letting go. (Jeff McDaniel)

I sat down with them in the church where her viewing was taking place.

“You knew her best at the end,” her mother said. “Tell us what she was like?”

I used to think I was strong but I couldn't croak a word out to those nice people. I put my head in my hands and let the water drain my heart. Tears were running down my arms. They held me, me, their daughter's murderer. The three of us cried. I guess I was the closest thing they had to her because I could give them her ending and they needed closure more than anything.

“Would you say a couple words at the ceremony?” her father asked as I sat across from him, my face drenched with tears and snot, that's right, snot, it wasn't a pretty scene.

I considered it my duty to Miami, whose actual name was Eunice. I do not blame her in the least for changing it.

I took the drugs I needed to get me up there in a somewhat coherent state. I didn't want to say any of the stupid stuff: she was great girl, she loved life, yada yada yada.

“She was stubborn,” I started and everyone laughed. “She told me what she thought even when she knew it wasn't what I wanted to hear. She was the best person on my team.” I called it team rather than entourage, I thought that was a nice touch. “I trusted her. I loved her. I don't know what I'll do without her.” All that was true. I didn't know that I loved her until she died, but I did, I definitely did love her. It hurt that she was gone and it killed me to know that I was responsible.

I didn't know what I would do now, not just without Miami, losing her alone would have been manageable, but losing everything had me all twisted up. 

I looked away across the sea where mansions are prepared for me. (Edgar Page Stites)

I think it made it worse that I got off scotch free when it was all my fault.

I went to see William first. I couldn't get in because I wasn't family. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to give him all my money. I wanted to hold him, promise him everything would be okay.

Nicky was in the waiting room. When I spotted him I started running toward him. He stood up and shouted, “No, get away from me! Get out of here!”

I left. I got on a plane and flew to Beulah, North Dakota. I had to go to Miami's funeral. When I showed up I was a mess. I had come alone and I had cried the whole way. When her parents saw me I guess they knew by the state I was in that I was close to her. They approached me.

“You were a friend of hers in California?” her mother asked.

I nodded and cried.

Her mother hugged me and cried.

“What's your name honey?”

“It's Honey,” I said. I might have smiled at the irony under different circumstances.

“You're Honey?” her father asked. He shook my hand and cried. “You saved her life.”

I killed her.

“You gave her a job when she needed it most.”

The job that killed her and when she needed me most I was vacationing with my boyfriend. She took my place while I was gone. She took my bullet. 

If you're betrayed, release disappointment at once. (Toba Beta)

“Am I going to jail?”

“It helps that you were overseas. It helps that you have several other properties.”

“Why do the properties help?”

“You can claim you never spent any time here. You never knew. I've transferred Miami's title to property manger on all the documents they'll ask for, Martin was on payroll too. We're going to pawn it off on them. I've already spoke with Tommy. He's taking the fall for you. He's saying he was the mastermind. He's conglomerating the assistance of Miami and Martin. Honey, there's a good chance that you might walk away from this.”

I sobbed.

“It's great that you've been attending church. That will go a long way with the jurors if this takes you to court.”

Courtney Steinbecker had regained her psychopathic composure and was back to being my emotionless lawyer. I wasn't ready for that yet. People had died and it was my fault. Lives were ruined and it was my fault. It wasn't like the hippie I had killed at fourteen, these were good people with families and hopes and dreams and promise. I had taken all that.

“I need Rider,” I whispered.

“Okay,” she nodded. “There's a search warrant issued for your other properties. I'm going to sign it. We can't clean house first but I'll get a disposal phone and have the housekeepers put the guns in their uniforms or cars or what-have-you, somewhere unsearchable. Aside from that, they're clean right?”

I nodded silently and whispered Rider's name again.

She got out and a moment later he took her place.

“You did it this time,” he accused. “You really screwed up, Honey. Do you have any idea the...”

I softly sobbed in my C-formation, hunched over myself.

“Honey,” he sighed.

I collapsed onto his lap and curled into the fetal position. He patted my shoulder, rubbed my back, and let me sob until I fell asleep. 

People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. (James Baldwin)

She started to cry. When a stick-in-the-butt lawyer in a black suit buttoned up so tightly it looks like her circulation is cut off starts to cry, you know it's bad.

“They started shooting.”

My pale face was beyond white. I forgot to breath.

“How did they get past security?”

She bit her lip.

“Oh God,” I cried out. Tears fell as I gasped for breath. I knew someone I loved had died. I could tell. I didn't want to ask because I didn't want to know who, not yet. I wanted to have one last moment where everyone was breathing.

“Who?” I creaked.

“There were six fatalities so far.”

“So far?”

“William is still alive, but it's touch and go.”

“William,” I whispered.

“Is Nicky–” I couldn't even finish the question.

“Nicky made it.”

I was so relieved but that meant someone else was gone.

“Miami got caught in the crossfire.”

“No,” I exhaled. She had been a stripper and acted in some questionable films before she started working for me. I taught her to respect herself. She turned her whole life around. Sure she was the assistant to a druglord but her resume said she was the executive assistant of a property tycoon. She was getting smarter everyday and, my God, wasn't she sweet. She had so much promise and it was gone now. It had bleed out of her beside the pool.

“Martin too.”

He was like a smarter, more dependable version of Tommy. He could have run this business when I retired. He was dead.

“There were two college freshmen, they had graduated with you.”

“I don't want to hear anymore.”

“It's a miracle only six were killed. They could have killed everyone. They came in with machine guns and opened fire. They raided the drugs and trashed the equipment. If the operation wasn't already busted wide open from a legal perspective, it still wouldn't be functional now. Nearly everything is ruined.”