Sunday, 17 February 2013

So how can you heal yourself unless you've hurt yourself? (Brendon Urie)

Things are weird,” I offered. “He loves me, did you know that?”
William half-nodded.
He met my family yesterday. I almost got him killed.”
By your family?”
Two separate situations, sorry.”
So you two are dating now? Like more than friendly friends?”
I love your accent. British people sound so intellectual.”
Diversion.”
No, we're still friendly friends.”
Does he know that?”
Listen Will, I know what you're trying to do.”
Me? What am I trying to do?”
I don’t know.”
He put his arm around me and his terrible morning breath tinged with the smell of coffee tickled my nose as he asked, “Do you remember–”
I remember how you made out with me because you were angry that Nicky got a part that you wanted. I remember how you reported it to him victoriously afterward. I remember all the gory details but I don't remember the actual kissing. I guess you weren't that memorable.”
Let me remind you.”
He kissed me and I just let it happen. Nicky didn't come out of his room but he knew it happened. My life was turning into a mess of mind games and sexual warfare. I had learned from a young age that abusing my body brought instant gratification and when I gave up drugs I transferred the abuse from drugs to sex. The implications were different but the principles were the same. Sure I started doing drugs again but meth wasn't the same as heroin. I guess habits are hard to break. Habits become your life. Perhaps my life was beginning to spiral out of control. 

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