When you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on. (Blow)

Until a vacancy opened up in the building I had to share Rider’s bachelor apartment. To be honest, it was a blast. Now that he was clean (including Narcotics Anonymous meetings) there were a lot less women around, which I liked. But there was also a lot more trouble for me when I had a recreational bit of heroin. He lectured me a little but not too much. It wasn’t unbearable. I didn’t realize how often I got high until there was no heroin coming in. My father and Uncle Tony were having the same problems back in Philly. I didn’t have the money or resources to buy anything and the boys had screwed over too many suppliers and connections to get any real good stuff smuggled in. They were detoxing on the Scotch Scotch was smuggling in. Uncle Tony had even garnered a liking for cannabis, just a little mixed in with his cigarettes but enough to feel the difference. We were all bridging gaps into the unknown and doing things we never thought we would.

I was cooking full-fledged meals for Rider. My agenda was to convince him to let me be homeschooled. I didn’t realize it in Philly but I was actually quite antisocial. It was a learned behaviour though because really my whole family was antisocial. It’s funny how the things you think are normal when you’re growing up turn out to be the strange to the rest of the world. I guess it’s good that I got outside my little box in time to realize this. Not that it really mattered to me.

My mother was being pushed around. She was battered and bruised but with her contributions to the educational programs at the prison she would likely slice her time in half and be out within a year.

The boys were doing okay. The ten year sentences served to each of them were running out slowly but they all had faith that they would be out as soon as their debts were cleared. It wouldn’t have surprised me if they opted to stick around in jail a while longer and let Rider rebuild their lifestyle a little before they re-entered the real world. The only thing they had left was their home.