Perhaps we find ourselves wanting everything because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing. (Sylvia Plath)

I had heard all the songs about lost love and I was aware that breakups were difficult, no matter who does the leaving. My breakup with heroin proved that fact to me. When Rider returned just hours later it had already begun.

“It's freezing in here,” he said cautiously, looking at the thermostat.

“I cranked the air conditioning, I'm sweating.”

“Why are you wearing my sweater?”

“Because I'm freezing.”

“Interesting,” he said pensively as he walked behind the kitchen counter and started unloading the brown paper grocery bags.

“Why is that interesting?” I asked as I approached the counter and began to dig through the spoils from the opposite side of the counter.

“It's just not how it happened for me.

“I'm not jonesing, I might still be high.” I scratched my arms and neck. “This sweater is itchy, do you have anything else?”

“Get your own sweaters.”

“We're poor, remember?”

“We're not poor.”

“Well, we sure as hell aren't rich.” I scratched more. “Maybe if I had been allotted more than half an hour to pack I could have brought along these things. I miss my closet.”

“You know LA is supposed to be one of the greatest shopping centers in the world.”

“Money, remember, the whole having none of it situation.”

I took a bag of candy from his groceries and started picking away at them.

“Robertson Avenue is near your future abode; wait until you discover that, then you'll be broke.”

I sighed and scratched. “I'm already broke.”

He handed me a bottle of hand lotion. “The more you scratch, the more it itches.”

I rubbed my hand on my face to test the softness. “Are you trying to tell me my hands aren't soft?”

“It will soothe the skin that you're scratching the shit out of.”

“Oh.”

I started rubbing the hand lotion over the swollen red lines my nails had traced out all over my white skin. It burned.

“Look how white I am,” I said holding up my white and red arm.

“You need some sun. You've got to start embracing this place. Drink some water.”

I obeyed without contest. This wasn't his first picnic. It was annoying how Rider always knew best, but I respected him and his commands because he didn’t care about commanding me, he cared about me. So I drank some water.