Failure is a fantastic teacher. (Forces of Nature)

I hated school. I was smarter than all my teachers. I was better than all classmates. I dated guys just to manipulative and abuse them – not physically, but mentally and emotionally. It was fun and I liked the little injection of power into my otherwise mediocre lifestyle at school. I rarely brought them around the house and if I did it was only to torture and terrify them by letting the men of my family have a go at them. I never loved them, I rarely even liked them. For some reason they kept coming back for more. No matter how I treated them, they were like horses, once you broke them in they would do whatever you wanted, it didn’t matter how I yelled at them, ordered them around, or how hard I dug in my heels, they were mine as long as I wanted them. It was a social experiment more than a relationship each time. That was the other thing: there was no shortage of them. I cut one lose and there was another to take his place. It’s like they loved to be treated badly. It set a bad precedence in my love life.

One night my father was on the phone with my more or less estranged uncle in California. He was getting all excited. My mother rolled her eyes, not in the sarcastic, you-are-an-idiot way that I do it. She rolled her eyes in an oh-my-he-is-so-silly sort of way. When he got off the phone he announced: “We’re moving!”

“We’re what?” my mother asked.

“Moving,” my father repeated. “Rider was telling me about his life there and about all the opportunities. Remember when we visited him, we loved it.”

My mother nodded half-heartedly.

“Rider bought his apartment complex and now he wants to buy another one. He’s going to be a property tycoon. I told him about the crime here and the troubles Honey’s having and he told me we should move there. I can help him with his properties, you can teach, Honey can go to school with nice kids.”

My mother didn’t know where to start. “What about aerospace engineering? What happened to his career?”

“He failed the drug test. He’s getting clean and trying again. This property business is like his new drug, he’s addicted to it.”

“But he’s going to try again.”

“Yes, that’s why he needs our help. We can take care of things when he passes the drug test and starts his career.”

“I don’t know the first thing about managing properties.”

“You can teach. I’ll take care of it.”

“You don’t know the first thing about managing properties.”

“I’ll figure it out. I’ll be his second-in-command until he leaves and learn it all from him.”

“When did Rider become an expert?”

“I don’t know but he is,” my father said enthusiastically. My mother didn’t look as enthusiastic. “Our life would be so much better there. It’s sunny all the time and everyone is happy out there, why wouldn’t they be its sunny all the time. Come on, Penny, just think about this. We can’t stay here forever. We don’t even really like Philadelphia anymore. There’s so much crime and trouble here. We can start over.” He looked to me. “Honey, wouldn’t you like to start over?”

I knew he was referring to the hippie. I knew I was supposed to be upset about it. I pretended to be more moved by it because I knew it would worry them more if I didn’t care. My mother was more upset about it all than me. Sometimes while my father was luring around the kitchen in the middle of the night I could hear her crying in their bedroom. I knew she was lying in bed thinking about the body, thinking about the fact that her daughter was a murderer. She was thinking, she was crying. So when my father asked me, “Honey, wouldn’t you like to start over?”

I smiled brightly and said, “I’d love to.” I said it for my mother. She was apprehensive but I thought it was ultimately what she wanted.

“Are you sure, Honey?”

“Yeah,” I said. “It would be cool to see Uncle Rider more. We could go to the beach anytime we wanted. It would be an adventure. I love Philly, but it would be nice to broaden my horizons.”