Tuesday, 22 May 2012

The stars lean down to kiss you. I lie awake and miss you. (Owl City)

“How?” Senior said nothing more.

Tony told the story.

Vincent sobbed. Rick’s girl sobbed. Even Penny cried. Senior just shook his head all the while. Tommy, well, Tommy was breathing and that was the best thing he could figure to do.

When they were overseas Ricky was in charge and Vincent was second in command. If Ricky died, and he had, Vincent would have naturally been bumped up a spot but that was impossible now because Vincent was damaged beyond repair by the loss. Tony was too young. Rider wouldn’t even want to. Tommy would have to step up, it was the only thing he could see to do. Tommy would have to be the new Ricky whether he liked it or not.

He looked at Penny. She was just a girl. He didn’t think she was ready for this. She couldn’t stand by his side as he corrupted the world, or at less Philadelphia and surrounds.

He asked her to stay. He didn’t mean to but it was getting late and he was tired and he couldn’t imagine the thought of going upstairs and lying in his bed alone. He hadn’t slept in a room without his brothers for years. He hadn’t slept since Ricky died and this would be his first night sleeping without him sleeping on the other side of the room. He didn’t mean to ask her to stay, he didn’t want her to stay, but he didn’t want her to leave either and he certainly didn’t want to be alone. Maybe if she had understood how important it was to him she wouldn’t have said no or at least not said no so quickly. Penny, by no fault of her own, didn’t understand what it meant to feel lonely. Sure she missed people sometimes, namely Tommy, but the concept of loneliness eluded her. Perhaps that lack of comprehension was Tommy’s fault. He had made her a loner or maybe she had made herself a loner or maybe she just had a predisposition for lonesomeness.

When she said no, blankly and plainly, he pushed her. Something he hadn’t even meant to ask became an urgent request and he was almost amused by how easily she could decline.

He drove her home all the while he tried to convince her to let him turn back.

“I just got back and you can’t sleep next to me for a few dark hours?”

“If you want me to sleep next to you, you can show me a wedding ring.”

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